One of My “Bigger” Challenges

I want to be one of those women whose story you see all over Facebook. You know, the one that reads “Mom of 2 Loses Baby Weight and Transforms Her Body”. Part of me also wants to be that woman who has curves and is crazy proud of them. She struts her stuff and couldn’t care less about what anyone else thinks. But I think the majority of me wants to be thin. I know there are a million different pills and potions that supposedly help with weight loss. That’s great but most of those products, ok all of them, are crazy expensive. One thing you’ll learn about me is that I hate to spend money on myself. Being a stay at home mom with no personal income makes me self-conscious about spending money on me, even for health reasons. I instantly feel guilty… And what does feeling guilty make me want to do? Eat crappy food. Vicious cycle. The other reason I don’t want to try these various products is because I don’t want to be on some pill or supplement forever just to be thin. I want to live my regular normal life and be thin. Is that so much to ask?

I read a quote recently that said “Why stay in prison when the door is so wide open?” DING! DING! DING! There it is. I am in a prison of being fat. The only thing keeping me there, other than genetics, is ME! I have obviously tried to lose weight many times. When my husband was deployed last year I really put my best foot forward. I lost a whopping 6lbs. I was eating right and exercising. 6 pounds! Because of my genetics I have to eat crazy healthy and workout at least once every day to get any results. That is frustrating to say the least. Back to my genetics… I have PCOS. Not severely. I was able to get pregnant twice and carry two healthy babies, which I am extremely thankful for. But this PCOS is making my body cling to its extra weight. I lay in bed at night and think “Okay, its time I did something about this” and then morning comes and well…nothing happens.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I still find it hard to balance everything that is required of me as a wife and mother. When I was working out like crazy, my home suffered. When I’m totally on top of the housework, my weight suffers more than usual. I sure hope I am not the only mom who feels that way. I am not “super mom” by any means. I cook dinner for my family almost every night but I am not a chef by any means. I keep up with the house work but fall behind more often than I should. I feel like the one area I excel is my parenting. I’m not perfect but I feel like I have a fairly good handle on my “mom duties”.

Anyways, back to excess weight problem. I know I need to make a change. Not just for me but to be a good example for my boys. But yea, a lot of it is for me. I feel like losing weight would benefit my life in a million ways. I would be able to keep up with my boys easier, I wouldn’t be so hot in the summer because i wouldn’t be hiding my body, I would finally be confident enough to try new styles of clothing that I would never consider now and I would feel good about ME! My husband is one of those guys who gets better looking as he ages. He always looks good, always! I know that he thinks I’m beautiful but I want to feel beautiful for him. That may not make sense to some but others might totally get that.

So I guess its time. I need to make a change. I am the only thing stopping myself. How messed up is that? I want to lose weight so badly but I am keeping myself from doing so. I’ve always done balls to the walls, get healthy NOW binges. I think I need to start slow. I guess I’ll figure it out as I go.

Until next time….

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